The flight to Dover, DE was a blur, almost like a dream that I couldn't quite grasp. If you've ever driven somewhere and arrived without remembering the journey—navigating traffic lights and turns on autopilot—you'll understand how I felt. It was surreal.
Upon arriving at the airport, I was met by a couple of sisters who were there to pick me up. A rush of emotions flooded over me as I stepped into this new chapter, and I couldn’t quite believe I was really here. Mixed feelings swirled inside me, but I kept reminding myself of my purpose for saying yes to this vocation, focusing on the encouraging words of Fr. John.
As we arrived at the house in Dover, I took in my surroundings. The building resembled a cozy residential home, owned by a warm and loving woman known as Mama Rosa. She was the sweetest Italian woman I had ever met, instantly making me feel at home. I recognized a few familiar faces among the other postulants, which brought me a sense of comfort amidst the change.
Part of the initiation process involved changing into a uniform and surrendering all our legal documents. IDs, passports, and personal belongings were carefully searched, and I found myself parting with my beloved Motorola Razr—my only connection to the outside world.
I was handed a crisp white button-up shirt and a long grey skirt, and as I donned the postulancy uniform. We were also given white-laced veils, that were to be worn as a sign of reverence anytime we entered the chapel. I felt both excitement and unease. Among the other postulants, I spotted a few I recognized from the World Youth Day Pilgrimage. There were at least twelve of us young women from all corners of the globe—places like the US, England, Australia, and Tonga—each starting our postulancy with hopes and dreams.
I remember feeling slightly uncomfortable during the process of turning in my personal items, but it was also a moment of camaraderie. As I made small talk with two fellow postulants, Olivia and Sia, I felt a connection forming. Olivia, the youngest of our group at just 14, hailed from England, while Sia came from Australia, representing her Tongan heritage. Little did I know, these two would become my ride-or-dies within this Order, providing support and friendship as we navigated this transformative journey together.
Let me share an overview of the postulancy stage we were all entering and provide some background on the Alliance of the Two Hearts.
Postulancy is the initial stage of formation in the religious life, marking a significant period of discernment and preparation for individuals considering a vocation. During this time, known as postulants, we would live in community with members of the Alliance, engaging in their daily activities, prayer, and spiritual practices. This stage serves as an opportunity for us to deepen our understanding of the order's mission, values, and spirituality while simultaneously evaluating our own calls to religious life. It’s a time of growth, learning, and reflection before potentially advancing to the next stage, the novitiate.
The Alliance of the Two Hearts was founded by Fr. Edgardo ‘Bing’ Arellano, OATH, a former Salesian priest who felt a profound inspiration to create a congregation that embodies a reparative lifestyle, with a strong devotion to the Blessed Mother Mary and the Holy Eucharist. The charism of this order centers around the concept of “Victimhood,” encouraging members to offer their lives in sacrifice and love.
Fr. Arellano is a charismatic figure who established six institutes of consecrated life under the Alliance of the Two Hearts. These include the Secular Institute of the Two Hearts (SITH), the Secular Male Institute of the Two Hearts (SMITH), the Leaven of the Immaculate Heart of Mary (LIHM), the Oblate Apostles of the Two Hearts (OATH), the Contemplatives of the Two Hearts (COTH), and the Contemplatives of the Pierced Hearts (CPH). Each of these institutes reflects the core values the Alliance, promoting a life of commitment, service, and deep spiritual devotion.
As we embarked on our postulancy, we were filled with anticipation and a sense of purpose, ready to embrace this transformative journey within the framework of the Alliance of the Two Hearts.
It was during postulancy that we began to dive deeper into the promise of obedience we made when we said yes to this new chapter in our lives. The vow of obedience in the religious life signifies a profound commitment to follow God's will and adhere to the directives of our religious superiors within the community. This vow emphasizes humility, trust, and a willingness to serve, as we surrendered our personal desires for the greater good of the community and its mission. By embracing obedience, we aimed to cultivate a deeper relationship with God, recognizing that our choices contributed to the fulfillment of our vocation and the spiritual growth of those around us. It became an expression of love and fidelity to the community and its purpose.
As we settled into our routines, our schedules were strictly regulated, and adherence to the established rules was paramount. Any failure to comply resulted in a form of penance, which varied in nature. These penances included orders of silence, where we were required not to speak for a designated period, and stricter fasting measures, such as water-only fasting. We were also barred from participating in community activities, including the daily recreation time at 4 PM, which was often a welcome break. I remember looking forward to those moments, especially when we played basketball.
Depending on the severity of the offense, we were sometimes subjected to more intense forms of penance. It was during this time that I was introduced to the practice of flagellation. The explanation we received about this penance was sobering: flagellation involves self-discipline or mortification through inflicting pain on oneself, often through whipping or flogging, as a means of expressing repentance, humility, or devotion. This practice has historical roots in various religious traditions, particularly among Saints of the Church, where it was used to atone for sins or to imitate the suffering of Christ.
I vividly recall the first time I was instructed to flagellate myself using a belt, striking my back fifty times. It was a jarring experience that left me questioning the path I was on. Little by little, the environment became one where questioning was discouraged, and our obligation to obey took precedence. This marked the beginning of a reality I had not fully anticipated—one where the line between devotion and discomfort blurred, and the dream of spiritual growth began to feel more like a nightmare. None of us truly needed this intensity, yet it became an integral part of our journey as postulants, shaping our understanding of obedience in ways we had never imagined.
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